Expert Advice for Repairing Your Marriage

If your marriage is in crisis, you may be searching for answers and information on what to do to repair your marriage. While well-meaning family and friends, books, articles and even television shows have advice and information on how to heal your marriage, if you are looking for insight from relationship experts, there is help at hand. Counselors, therapists and even divorce lawyers offer helpful, relevant information aimed at improving a troubled marriage. Here is a compilation of expert advice regarding getting your marriage back on track:

• Understand that happiness comes within. If you are one of those people who says, “my partner doesn’t make me happy”, consider for a moment that nobody has the power to make you happy or unhappy. Did your partner ‘make you happy’ at the beginning of your relationship or were you happy to start with and they simply added more happiness to your life? It is crucial to realize that true happiness comes from within, and unless your partner is literally not the person you married or is actually a mean, self-serving person, it stands to reason that you are the reason you’re not happy and you’ve got work to do, either on yourself or regarding your expectations.

• Unify your home. It is important to discuss your ‘perfect home’ with your partner as they cannot read your mind and your visions for your home might be two very different pictures. It is important to agree where you can and compromise where you disagree because disagreement on decorating your home can cause long term conflict. You need to be able to compromise. One suggestion would be each of you picks the room that means the most to you, the family room for the wife and the bonus room for the husband, as examples and then work from there.

• Never compare your current relationship to past relationships, as there is a reason why those relationships are in the past. Do not compare your current partner to a past partner, as they are ex’s for a reason. This is never good idea as no two relationships are alike and comparisons only cause feelings of jealousy and resentment between the partners and leave a feeling of lasting insecurity.

• Schedule some together time on a regular basis. It does not need to be a particularly large amount of time; the point is that it should be just the two of you uninterrupted without distractions. Turn off the TV, cell phones and computer with no company, just the two of you. This will help keep romance, intimacy and togetherness alive in your relationship.

• Actively reminisce about past times. The good times that you have shared are the glue that bonds you together, and it can be genuinely good fun to talk about the past and exciting things you have done together. Keep in mind that the more exciting and fun things you do together, the more stuff you will have to reminisce about. Look at your wedding album or review photos from a fun trip together; anything that helps you renew past good feelings.

• Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more! Communication is the key to repairing and strengthening marriage. Partners must be willing to openly and honestly communicate with each other. Issues that have been swept aside must be addressed fully and dealt with in order for the injured marriage to heal and prosper. Experts recommend listening intently and consciously to each other in order to determine exactly what your partner is saying. Summarize what you’ve heard to your partner to validate their feelings, thoughts and concerns and to ensure you’re heard them correctly.

• Seek professional help if and when it’s necessary. For many couples there is still a stigma towards seeking professional marriage counseling. If you find that you and your spouse need an objective person to guide you and decipher the issues that need to be worked through, counseling can be beneficial. Whether you seek help from your clergy or a paid professional marriage counselor, you can benefit from having an objective point of view when resolving marital difficulties. Seek references from clergy, trusted family and friends or from your health insurance provider if you are unsure of who to see.