Lust or Love?

Many people struggle to know the difference in their own feelings, or they confuse feelings of lust for love, or vice versa. So, when you are in a relationship, how do you know if it is lust or love that is fueling the relationship? Try asking yourself the following questions:

How did things start? Many of us begin our relationship with love. At least we think that it is love, even if our initial attraction was based on lust.

Now ask yourself how things are the same or different now. If you do not feel the same way about your partner today or have better feelings, then it is probably not love. Love grows; lust dwindles over time. If you love someone the longer you are with them, the better you get to know them, the more you love them. If it is lust, you grow bored with them.

Are you happy to get up in the morning and see your partner? When you have feelings of love, not lust, you usually are very excited to see your partner, not because of some physical intimacy you will share, but because you are better when you are with them. If you are excited to come home from work so you can see them, or are thrilled to roll over in the morning and watch them sleep near you, it is probably love. With lust, you are happy to see them when it is convenient, and you are somewhat annoyed when it is not.

Do you enjoy having long conversations? Relationships based on lust usually do not have much depth. So ask yourself how real your relationship is. Do you talk only of superficial things and gossip, or do you enjoy long, deep, meaningful conversations about future, self introspection, etc.?

Do you talk freely or are you reserved about many topics when you are with your partner? Part of having a relationship based on love is having trust that allows you to be open and yourself with your partner, not afraid of judgment. The more comfortable you are with yourself with them, the more likely it is that it is a love–based relationship. If you are worried to voice your feelings on certain subjects, or try to hide parts of who you are, or act like someone else, it is probably a relationship based on lust.

Do you laugh together? What about? If you find you laugh constantly because of entertainment, making fun of others, etc. you are probably in a lustful relationship. However, if you have sweet inside jokes, laugh together, laugh at yourself, and at each other with each other, you probably enjoy a relationship of love.

Do you go out on dates, eat together etc.? Lustful relationships tend to be more secretive, more closed door. You do not go out together, are not seen as much in public, or if you are, you are flaunting your relationship rather than enjoying it. The love–based couple enjoys spending time with one another not to flaunt but to be together. They go on dates, treat each other with respect, etc.

Do you share work issues? This goes back to openness. People who have love for each other want to be involved in all aspects of one another’s lives. People who have a lust–based relationship only care surface deep; they want what they want, and the details are irrelevant.

How are your finances? If you share the responsibility of finances, and talk about them, work them out, you probably have love. If you fight constantly over expenditures, do not work together on a budget, and care little about what the other person thinks or says about your spending, then you are probably in a lust–based relationship.

Do you still have passion for each other? This is a key question. In a love relationship passion lasts, real life might hit and dull it for a while, but given a chance to rekindle, it will. In lust–based relationships, the enemy is time.

If you look inward you will likely know if you have a love or lust–based relationship, so just ask yourself, do you really love this person, or are you merely attracted to them, lust after them, or have some superficial reason for wanting to be with them? The outcome of your self–evaluation will give you peace and help you decide if you want to continue in an enriching relationship, or one that will likely peter out and die over time.