My two daughters are grown and have families of their own now. When my youngest daughter went to college she wrote me a letter that to this day I hold dear to my heart. She validated my parenting skills telling me she was glad I set boundaries and confronted her when she went against the rules. She knew that I was doing these things because I cared, not because I did not want her to enjoy herself.
When my oldest daughter was ten and my youngest daughter was two, their Dad died of brain cancer. The pain was unbearable from sadness I felt in my heart. Losing a soul mate, a husband, and father to our children is tragic. I had to be strong for the kids and move forward. We continued staying in the same house for a few years, going on vacations and doing fun activities that helped us grow together as a family. Whether you are single or married it is hard to know if you are doing the right thing when you are a parent. But here are some things I have learned that will give your child a compass for becoming a good kid in spite of the troubled world.
- Listen to them. If you don’t your child will think you don’t care. By listening to them you are validating who they are and that they are important to you.
- Play games , have a family night. This builds cohesiveness in the family.
- Set guidelines and rules and have consequences for disobeying the rules. It is okay to say no. This builds character and gives them a solid foundation for knowing right from wrong.
- Teach them to respect one another even if they don’t agree.
- Volunteer as a family at Church or other organization helping those less fortunate.
- Give them a sense of responsibility even at young age. Children feel good about themselves when you give them a chore to do.. No matter how small they feel confident and secure that they were able to achieve this.
- Limit how much television and Wii , play station 2, that they watch. Reading a book is for more enlightening and exercises their brain. Every time a child reads they get smarter Reading builds creativity, imagination, and builds prior knowledge. Many of the famous people of our day were great readers. In today’s environment children play to many violent games. Their school work suffers because of their inattentiveness in class. The students who play hours of video games are used to seeing a lot of action immediately. The fact that they have to wait or listen can be difficult for these children.
- Have a family reading night when all members of the family take turns reading a section of the story, or separately reading their own books. If children see the parents reading they will also see that this is important as well.
- Visit the museums, or interesting historical places, go hiking to stimulate the senses, the zoo, or just a bicycle ride to the park.
Does your child have a special person or hero in his or her life? Someone they would like to aspire to when they grow up? Being a role model or having one that they model after gives the child a sense of purpose. Who was or is your role model?
My youngest daughter works long hours sometimes working twelve hour days as a photographer. The first thing she does when she comes home is say hello to her children and spend time playing with them. She does this before she does anything for herself. Like all of us we miss our family and long to see them. Building connections like these helps the child have a sense of identity and love in their heart.
To summarize listening, playing, setting guidelines, teaching, and most of all loving them with your whole heart and soul. Taking the time in your already hectic schedule will be tough. But the treasures will be great. Then someday your child will write you a letter and say how deeply they appreciate all that you have done for them. When you receive that letter there would be no greater joy in your heart than the letter.
Submitted by Betty Davis. You can find her on Facebook.
Parenting viewpoints from parents in the trenches, because parenting doesn’t come with a manual. In addition to