The following are five tips for a soon to be step mom. Being a step mom is not always easy, whether the child or children are young or teenagers, the role of step mom can sometimes be a precarious one. Here are some tips for making life a little easier:
1. Don’t try and be their best friend. A lot of step moms go into a marriage with a clear idea of not trying to be the parent, but instead the friend. Children are smart, and they know that you are always going to be loyal to dad first and foremost. Do not try to make them bond with you, or tell you their secrets. Instead, be there for them, and build trust with them. If they want to be your friend great, but if not, that is okay too. You can’t try to be their best friend, or buy their love. It will backfire every time.
2. Don’t try to be their mom. As important as it is to not try and be their best buddy, it is ten times more so to not try and be their mom. If you attempt to replace their parent, they will resent you for it. So, if they want to call you mom great, but don’t insist on it, and don’t ask them to. Instead of trying to be their parent, consider yourself an adult authority figure. You need to realize that you still have some say, as they will be living with you, and you will be partially responsible for them. However, when it comes down to it, their parents get to make the big decisions.
3. Be consistent with your discipline. As a step mom it is critical that you do not let kids run all over you. Often kids will manipulate the step parent, giving and taking love, etc. So, do not be fooled by this tactic. Always be consistent. They need to learn to trust you, and the best way for them to see that you are someone to trust is consistency of behavior, including discipline. You have to determine what you are going to do in various scenarios and stick with it. If they get grounded for an action, then the next time they do the same thing, they need to be grounded again.
4. Spend time with them, support them. When you become a step mom it is a good idea to spend time with the child or children you are a step parent to. You want to get to know them, and let them get to know you. Don’t force them to like you, but rather to learn who you are. Be supportive of them, and show that you are committed to being part of their life. Go to any events or functions they are in.
5. Never talk bad about their parent. Make sure that you say only positive things about their mom. You do not want them to feel like they have to take sides, as you will likely lose.