Becoming a step mom can be very overwhelming. There are all kinds of ugly stigmas attached to it. The evil stepmother is one of the famous ones. The fact is, being a step mom is no easier than having a step mom. The following are five tips for a soon to be step mom to help make the transition easier for everyone involved.
- Don’t try and be the mom. This is what any and everyone will tell you. The thing a child will resent the most is you trying to replace their parent. Instead, consider yourself an authority figure in their life, much like a teacher or church leader. You do get a say, but you are not their parent, and can’t boss them around or make decisions for them the way a parent would. If you try to be their mom, chances are you will both be disappointed. Even if their mom is not in the picture, don’t try to replace her.
- Make your marriage a priority. One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a soon to be step mom is to worry so much about the kids you will be a step parent to that you forget about their dad, who you married. So, make sure that while you work on your relationships with the children, that you do not forget about the relationship with your spouse. If you put your spouse first, and make your marriage a priority, you will be happy, even if things aren’t perfect with the kids.
- Communicate within blended families. As a soon to be step mom, it is a good idea to talk to the family about everyone’s role and expectations. For example, how much say will you have? What do the kids expect from you? What does his ex expect from you? The better the communication, the less chance at problems.
- Love them, accept and include them. You do not have to be their parent to love them, so don’t try to be the parent, but do try to find something about them that you love and that you can accept. Be sure to show your support of them, and try to take on the role of a caring adult. You will want to include them in making plans, attend their games or other functions, and show them that you know you aren’t their parent, but you want to be there for them anyway.
- Never talk bad about their parent. It is really important that the kids you become a step mom to can feel that they trust you. A very fast way to break that trust is to bad mouth their mom. Even if you are not talking bad about their parents to them, chances are they will hear you, or know what you are feeling. So, be careful to keep any negative feelings to yourself.