Many people, when studying modern marriage, are dismayed at the number which are ending in divorce and the reasons why they seem to be failing. While there are a myriad of reasons why a marriage might be damaged, there are some specific factors that can contribute to a marriage in trouble. Here are a few of the main issues:
1. Financial problems – Divorce lawyers across the country cite case after case where couples’ marriages are damaged by major financial issues. Most marriages report extremely high levels of debt which contribute to continued stress in the marriage. In addition, many divorce lawyers report a lack of communication between the partners about the true financial state of the marriage as another part of the financial issues within the marriage. Sadly, many of these couples are also going through bankruptcy in the midst of the breakdown of their marriage.
2. Sexual problems – Many couples seeking divorce also report having sexual problems. Whether infidelity, pornography or incompatible sexual desires are the root of the problem, and/or all of these issues can be potentially be devastating blows to any marriage.
3. Family problems – Couples also frequently cite family problems as playing a large part in the breakdown of their marriage. Over-intrusive in-laws, stepchildren or ex-spouses can all strain any marriage. In addition, studies show that many spouses with seriously ill children also break up due to the stress of the child’s illness.
4. Other stressors – There is a list of numerous other factors that can play a part in the struggle for a marriage to survive. Some of these include ignorance, a lack of time dedicated to the marriage, a lack of communication or even apathy. These factors are often generated over time leaving couples to believe that they have simply “grown apart” or “fallen out of love”, as opposed to having simply become lazy.
So what can you do if your marriage is in peril? Are there steps you can take to fix the problems and repair your marriage? The answer is a resounding “Yes!” If both partners are committed to repairing damage to the marriage, it can be corrected and happiness restored to the marriage partnership.
Here are some basics to get you started:
• If money problems are taxing your marriage then start today to correct the problem. Be honest and open with your spouse regarding your budget, your debts and your worries about your financial picture. Gather your bills together, sit down and create a budget so you can spend your money wisely and work to pay off, then stay out of, debt. Resolve to be brutally honest with each other regarding your finances and leave blame and finger-pointing at the door. If your financial issues are serious, consult an accredited credit counselor or accountant for professional advice on how to correct your situation. Your marriage is worth it.
• Sexual problems often occur because of a lack of communication between the partners and this not the time to be embarrassed. You and your partner need to discuss exactly what the problem is, possible contributing factors and possible resolutions. If physical problems are causing or contributing to sexual problems, consulting a physician can often help, as changing a medication or something just as simple might be the fix. If infidelity or pornography is part of the issue, consulting a counselor will help re-establish trust between the partners.
• Family problems must be confronted and resolved before they strain the marriage. Again, communication is the key. In today’s blended families, in-laws, step-children and even former spouses play a part in a marriage’s success or failure. The key here is to discuss the issue, confront the offending person together and come up with a plan to deal with the problem family member. Family counseling can also be helpful should the issue need long-term focus.
• While there is no one-size-fits all cure for marriage doldrums, recognizing the importance of your marriage and making it a priority will go a long way towards its success. Whether it is rescheduling, re-prioritizing or simply opening up to your partner, you can reap large dividends by making just a few changes.