When motherhood ruins your college friendships, you have a choice. You can let it happen, or you can put a stop to it. You actually have one other choice as well, you can make the most of it. Let’s explore your options.
Being a mom does not mean losing your identity. One of the surest ways to lose your college friendships is to lose yourself after having kids. If you forget the things that made you unique and you, and become all mom-mode, then it is going to be hard for your friends to relate with you, especially if they have no children. So, if you loved designer clothes before you had kids, you can still love them after, you just have to be choosier about when you wear them, as kids have a tendency to get you dirty. If you loved movies before kids, don’t let your kids stop you from seeing them. Maintain the aspects of yourself that made you uniquely you.
Being a mom opens up doors to new friendships. When you become a mom you have a great ice breaker for making new friendships–your kid! So, take advantage of it. There is a good chance you will lose some of your college friends. It happens, you no longer have as much to keep you bonded, and you lose touch. However, you can make new, stronger friendships. Often, the best friendships are those formed with the moms of the kids your kid’s age. You can go to playgroups and get to know the other moms in your area. You can go to a playground, and strike up conversations with other moms at the park. You can enroll your child in preschool and get to know the parents of the other children in your kid’s class. Make new friends to help replace some of the friendships that are bound to fall by the wayside.
Catching up with old friends can be enriching.
Of course, new friends are great, but maintaining some of your college friends is nice as well. The following are some simple tips for staying close to college friends:
1. Have kid free nights. Do not take your kids with you. As adorable as you think they are, chances are your college friends are not that interested in hauling a kid around and dealing with the mess, whininess, and never ending questions, crying, etc. that are children. Get a sitter and go out with your friends the way you did before kids to help preserve some of your friendship.
2. Familiarize your friends to your kids. If your friends have a chance to get to know your kids, and get a little involved in your kid’s lives, they won’t be so annoyed or feel so separate from you because of your kids. Invite them to milestones in your child’s life. Keep them updated informally, with blogs, Facebook, etc. Help your child get to know your friends as well so that they are excited to see them, and so that it is a positive experience each time they interact.
3. Don’t just talk about your kids. When you are with your college friends, do not ruin the friendship by going on and on about your children, and talking about nothing else. Even when they like your kids a lot, they don’t necessarily want to hear every detail about your kid’s life. So, make sure you converse about other things as well.