We’ve all heard it before: “you just have second child syndrome” or “leave her alone, she’s just suffering from middle child syndrome.” But how accurate is the “second child syndrome?” Does it really affect birth order and personality? Is it a real “syndrome?”
Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychiatrist who lived around the same time as Sigmund Freud, was one of the first theorists to suggest that birth order may influence personality. He suggested that birth order leaves a life-long impression on one’s style of life, the way s/he deals with friendship, love, and work. Other things that influence a person are parental attitude, illnesses, disabilities, gender, and the social, economic and religious situation of the family. Other things that should be considered along with birth order are the spacing of years between the siblings, the total number of children, and the parent’s situation over time. The influence of birth order on the development of personality has long been a controversial issue in psychology. Some are in strong agreement that birth order does affect personality, and others disagree completely.
Now, some parents may argue that the second child is not treated any differently than the first child was. But let’s be honest. After you’ve seen your first child take a first step, say a first word, and do all of those other firsts, it’s a little less remarkable to see it in your other children. Whether or not you want to admit it, the middle or second child will always be competing for the lime light with the oldest and youngest children. This is one of the main causes of middle or second child syndrome.
Second or middle children usually bemoan their fate as being ignored by everyone in the family. They may grow resentful or all the attention given to the oldest and youngest of the family. Second born children will often try to be the exact opposite in personality, interests, etc. from the first born child. S/he will often do almost anything for parental attention, even if that means being naughty. Parents tend to be much easier and less demanding on the second and third children. Middle or second children have to compete to be heard or noticed, and therefore crave the spotlight in other ways. They may be the loud, boisterous child in school. They may be the center of all their friends’ events.
The middle or second born child often have a feeling of not belonging to the group. Being in the middle can make the second child feel insecure. They may lack the drive and motivation that is so prevalent in the first born. The second child may instead look to the first born for direction. This may also make the second born feel out of place because they aren’t over achievers. Instead, the middle child usually just goes with the flow.
Second born children are often loners. They may have trouble latching on to a person in a relationship. They may also have trouble making decisions in school and in a career. Second or middle borns are usually artistic and creative, but don’t work well under pressure. They have a history of starting projects and never finishing them. When choosing a career, most middle or second children would be best suited for something where they could freely express themselves, have flexible hours and frequently changing projects.
If you feel like your child may have middle or second child syndrome, the best way you can help them is by paying attention to them. Since they crave your notice, giving it to them may be the best solution to help solve any problems that come from middle child syndrome. Try to encourage them to use their talents and make their own decisions, without the influence of the oldest sibling.
