Submitted by Lisa Lassman Kerner
Parenting was a little easier when my kids were little. At the time, I didn’t think so. When Andrew was about 6 and Matthew was about 4, they pretty much did what I expected them to do. Parenting involved making sure they were well-fed, clean, safe, and educated. My boys were firmly attached to my apron strings.
Flash forward 12 years. Yes, parenting still involves making sure my kids eat, bathe, stay safe, and study. The difference is now they don’t do what I expect them to do, or what I want them to do, or ask them to do, a lot of the time.
I am not saying my kids are bad, not at all. My “babies” are simply much taller versions of their 6- and 4-year-old selves with crazy hormones and driver’s licenses.
Oh, and sometimes they talk back. And challenge me. And break rules. Go figure.
While Andrew and Matthew are still hanging on to the apron strings, so to speak, I can feel those strings stretching.
So what’s a mother to do? My instinct is to yank those strings back and bring my boys closer. But I can’t. I have to let the strings stretch and pray they never break.
I’ve learned that loosening the strings doesn’t mean I have to let go of my expectations for my kids. Or back down on my values. Or agree with all of my boys’ decisions.
Sometimes I react and raise my voice. Sometimes silence is best. Like all parents, I have learned to adapt, adjust and change. And I keep a firm grip on my end of the apron strings.
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Great blog. I know a lot of parents experiencing this, as their children grow through various stages of life. As I told a friend the other day, I think it’s great when your kids have a mouth, a driver’s license, a part time job and an attitude to know that others out there are dealing with the exact same things. I have an almost 11 year old niece who is awesome, except she’s not a little kid anymore so while she is typically well behaved and so on, she does “normal” tween things and her mother struggles like you do with do I yank or let them stretch? I’ll be sharing your blog with her.
I just took my 16 yr old to the BMV this week for his learner’s permit. Sometimes I look at him, (up!) and think, is this really my firstborn? I remember holding his tiny body and singing him to sleep in the middle of the night.
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